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Grieving the Matriarch

June 27, 2018

My mother has died. She was 81.

She, like most mothers, gave of herself even when no one was looking. Right till the end - giving us the grace of getting to know our father a little better without her as a buffer. Thank you Mum...

 

 

My mother Barbara was a stoic woman, raised on an industrious sheep, wheat and cattle farm in central NSW. She raised five children of her own.

 

She was mothered in her earlier years by another stoic woman, my Grandmother Edna - who, in the one exhale would bake buttery afternoon scones and roll up her sleeves to deliver a bloodied sheep's lamb.

 

Her mother, Edith , was even more stoic.

She left Bradford England and the cotton industry to travel via Steamer Ship to her finance Levi, in Australia in 1910. Levi, who had left the UK two years earlier to set up their new chapter in this land called Narromine in NSW, had his work cut out from him.

The nearest shop was 25 km away - which took an overnight journey to get supplies because of the state of the wagon tracks.

Edith encountered terrifying ordeals like wild goanna's, snakes, undrinkable water and treacherous weather changes that determined the fate of their crops, livelihood as well as their water supply.

She took on the care of my mother at an early age to support my Grandmother.

 

These were not glamorous women, or well travelled or even particularly well educated women, but they were and are my women and my maternal lineage.

 

 

 

 

 

I've often struggled with my women's lineage - nothing particularly fancy about this lot, but as I grieve my own mother's passing, I am consoled with the knowledge that these women had an undeniable fire inside them and a will to get through the most difficult of things, including loosing one of their own.

 

So I salute my maternal lineage, at this time of grief.

 

I salute all women who have gone before me. I see you and feel you in my body and blood. I hear your practicality in my thoughts and I see your groundedness in my own daughter's plans and imaginings.

 

I may be the healer of the family line - the black sheep, the black lilith - I truly own that role as its been a divinely guided one for me since my own sisters death, but I'm no stranger to rolling up my own sleeves - but I only do it now when Ive felt the wisdom of experience and HER voice inform me.

 

I am beholden to these earthy women who toiled and bled to support and nourish their own blood.

My family is a much larger than my own blood, my service is not just to my peeps but to the feminine globally, and it been a tough reconciliation of this service, especially over the past few years.

 

Whats come out of this reconciliation is a gentle acceptance of my own bloodline.

 

 " I'm a feminist. I've been a female for a long time now.

   It'd be stupid not to be on my own side"  

 

   Maya Angelou

 

 

So if you struggle between your service and your family responsibilities - it all comes down to perception and what your intuitive life needs to experience beyond the restraints of conformity.

Braving this NEW WAY of being takes great courage - much more than hiding behind our expected roles. 

It takes holy practice of being with yourself - in your body, feeling, sensing, intuiting and then acting or not... from that impetus of your soul.

 

I urge all women to sit deeply with why they are truly here on the planet and do yourself and others the service of owning that role. If you can't reconcile what you expect of yourself and what others expect you will be lost to HER.

 

So from a deep release knowing my mother is with me now in spirit, even more profoundly than when she was in flesh (and she loved me deeply then - more than I realised) - I say - speak your truth and EMBODY it.

 

We have not got time to waste. The flow that comes from surrendering into your FEMININE WISDOM is pure MAGIC. Its not something you can create on your own, or in your mind.

 

Blessings to my lineage OF WOMEN - to my own mother -  bless you - I love you and I miss you - this is where the next generations can pay homage by deeply listening and then applying that famous will of yours and your my foremothers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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