Nine Ways to Heal Heartbreak: Dealing with relationship breakups consciously.
So its finished. You are gutted - the breakup has impacted your mental, physical and spiritual equilibrium. You feel lost without him. Your body aches. Your heart has been broken. You may also feel it in your solar plexus or your gut. Here are nine steps to guide you through with grace.
Firstly give yourself permission to grieve. Western culture prescribes getting busy but for concious resolution you are going to need time - time to heal.
Let yourself wallow for a moment before you fully feel your rage, dissappointment and hurt. Choose wallowing with awareness. Curl up in your pjs and listen to some soothing music. Take long baths. Have a gentle massage. Hydrate with herbal teas. Be extra kind in the way you speak to and treat yourself - Like you were a child again. You could get drunk or laid but it's not going to take the pain away permanently. Plus you have become too energetically sensitive and the path of the party girl is just not going to cut it.
2. Move and Feel
When you feel like you can't stand moping or feeling numb anymore then begin the process of feeling. It aint going to be pretty so give yourself permission to be a mess - feel it little by little - move your body n energy. Dance, breathe and feel. Commit to dancing regularly. The feminine woman needs to move. For me, it moves me to experience my true uncensored self - whether resistant, heartbroken or covering that vulnerability up with anger. Be brave and self compassionate. I know, I know - you don't want to. You want to keep stuffing vegan ice cream into you, curl up and sleep forever. I like dark rooms and donna's myself. Remember - It's not the end of the world - just this chapter in it.
Move your hips. Move n open through your chest. Sigh, roar, rock, moan and cry. Get out of your "he did this I said that " thought roundabout. Break the neurotic imaginings from the past n into the future. Breathe life back into yourself by allowing your beautiful self to be present.
Dance authentically - slow or erratic - it doesnt matter just get back into your physical body and feel the sensations that travel through you wholeheartedly. your breath is the bridge between your body and your healing. Repeat regularly.
Our energetic and emotional intelligences are closely linked and they are both expressed through your physical body. The spiritual path requires a high level of enquiry through your body. What do you need? Write a list of support systems to keep you accountable.
3. Get Real
Get angry, weep and bellow. Yes - move your hips and open your jaw and froth like a wild cat. Get angry even at your God for a moment. Its ok to be raw - this is personal development gold. Spiritual disconnection is very tempting. Break off from your yoga, meditation, mantras and spiritual practices for a moment but come back to faith renewed through moving your body like a prayer, singing kirtan until you weep and saying yes to the pain inside you - it is a death for the soul to heal.
4. Reach Out
Reach out for personal and professional support. Feminine women dont have to go through grieving on their own all the time. It's a process and having a solid support system is healthy . Talk to close friends - both men and women. Ask them to actively listen. Get touched and hugged regularly. No one can fix it but it helps to share in an authentic way. Putting on a brave front is undervaluing the power of grief. I dont suggest you cry all over every friend you see. Find a balance of time alone and the company of friends. Isolation does not serve your delicious heart and pyschology. Let go of control issues - this is a gift.
At the core of a painful breakup are personal growth gems. Dig for them courageously. Shift out of designating blame on him or yourself. For me , my big heartbreak was a doozy. Asking the bigger questions saved me so much energy and the insights were incredibly evolutionary.
Professional help can support the discovery of primary beliefs that may no longer serve you. Significant breakups facilitate our core woundings around worth, abandonment, control, trust and boundaries. Often breakups can shine light on our own blindspots. Put it out to your universe so the most appropriate healer can come forth for you. So be brave and get that light out.
5. Get writing
Write it out by journalling your heart out until the pages are soggy. Repeat.
6. Ground Yourself in Nature.
Connect with nature regularly. Make time to be surrounded by nature - it's a healing elixir for your soul. Dont underestimate exercising outdoors - it has the dual advantage of healing you by altering your state of mind and nourishing you biochemically and energetically. Take the time to draw awareness to the sensations of the air on your face and the texture of the earth underneath your feet. It will remind you that you are part of something larger than just yourself.
7. Keep it simple.
Avoid overloading yourself with too many commitments. Find time to relax, rejuvenate, listen to your inner wisdom. Support your adrenals if you are experiencing a great deal of fear about the breakup and being "alone". Restorative and yin yoga practices encourage gentle presence with uncomfortable feelings. Remember your body is a wonderful map to your emotions and can guide you back to spirit. Yoga can be a potent compass to unravel you back to your true north.
If you can have a completion conversation with your now ex it may serve you both. Choose non-violent communication. Rise above the blame game and speak about what you are experiencing not what they have "done" to you. Shift any victim or perpetrator mentalities. No one wins and it feeds an never ending cycle of guilt, blame and shame.
If you cannot see them then move onto this exercise to find resolution.
Set a time to write 3 letters to them. Leave space at the end of each letter.
Arrange for a friend to check in with you after you have written the letters.
i. F%ck You Letter
The first letter is the "f#ck you" letter. It's focused on moving the juice from your root and sacral chakra. It's an uncensored and unbridled expression of your angst. Move if energy arises as you write. Activate your pelvis with mulabunda draw ups and pelvic rocking. Scream into a pillow and dance.
ii. Letter of Loss
The second letter is about your heart felt loss. What you have been denied through this relationship. What you wanted but never received. What makes your heart heavy about the dynamic. Have some tissues nearby.
iii. The Gift
The third letter is the acknowledgement of the gift he has given you. If you get catty or belligerent then go back to letter one. If you get melancholic go to letter two. Write letter three out until you feel nothing but illuminated and grateful for the experience.
Burn them all on in a full moon ritual to release the past.
9. Accept Change
Yes you will have changed - nothing is the same including you. Let go of resistance to this immutable truth. Some of our greatest suffering comes from resisting change. Surrendering is not giving up, it is opening you up to a new level of awareness and internal strength you may not have found any other way.